To live, or to Die
by 0severus-snape0
Summary: Hey, another story,... well Harry wants to die, and does, but comes back to life, severus is broken without him. i think that covers it. SLASH HPSS ... cutting, drugs, piercing ... and more, anyways ... hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1

Hey!, here is a new one, its gonna be short, but there are chapters, and its just gonna be on one page, so anyways I hope you like it. SSHP SLASH, just warning you.

!!I OWN NOTHING!!

Chapter 1

Blood that's all I feel, the blood falling from my wrist.

The sweet feel of the pain

The Sweet feel of death coming over me.

The life I never wanted to be in, now I can leave it,

no one will miss me, no one will care,

I was told I was just an Emo kid who cares not of love, family or friends.

That I was just a casual fuck. The man I thought I loved said this,

the hated potions professor, Severus Snape, but I loved him, but he did not love me.

He stopped me once from cutting my wrists, that was when I killed the basterd Tom.

But now here I am again, and I want to die, no one loves me so that I why I do not love.

No one will save me this time, not Hermione may she rest in peace, not Ron, who killed himself because of Hermione not Ginny, because she turned to the Dark side, and is now on the run for her live, not Dumbledore who is dead, or anyone, and not Severus. So here I am, dying and it feels good, I can leave and be free. I can die, I can go, I cant breath.

I give one more good look at the stars, form the Astronomy tower, they are beautiful, but they remind me to much of Severus, his hair his smell and now I can make him happy by leaving, for now I will not cry, but now I leave this world. I take a deep breath, but I cant, I close my eyes and fall asleep, well its not sleep its death.

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Chapter 2

Why? ... Why did I tell the one I truly love that he was just a casual fuck?

He said he loves me, and I love him, but he cant love me, no one can. Im Severus Snape. The hated Potions Professor.

I tried to follow him, but he put his inevitability cloak on.

I wanted to scream that I didn't mean what I said, that I loved him as well. but there where to many students. He was still a student, seventeen, but there are rules where against us. So we met privately, I took his innocence, I wish I didn't, because when I did I let him in more to me.

I told him my secrets, my dreams, my past. And he did that same. But one night I found him is my bathroom cutting himself. The night that he killed the Dark lord, he said he didn't want to live. But I stopped him.

The next day, his best mate killed himself, and no one wanted to be with him. He changed.

Wearing black eye liner, tight pants that where black, checkered belt, gloves that covered his wrists, I knew I never stopped him completely from cutting himself. But I tried.

The children call him Emo, he told me that he was, because of what he did and what he does.

He showed me this new Muggle drug. Weed. He used it ever singe night. I let him. I wish I stopped him. He got 'high' as you all say it, every single night. He liked it I hated it, the smell was obnoxious.

And now he might be cutting himself, or getting high, not here with me to watch and make sure he is ok, even thought when he cuts himself he does it in the bathroom.

I know this because of how long he takes, he sais he was sick, but I know what he does.

I need to find him. I need to make sure he is ok, I have this feeling something is wrong, I can sense it.

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Chapter 3

He sleeps he looks so peaceful, but so pale, his wrists are cut, the pool of blood under him.

I knew something was wrong, I felt it.

I had to clear my head, I knew that the Astronomy tower was the best place to go to clear my head,

and think of a place where Harry would be. But when I came in, he was sitting there beside a window.

His eyes closed. There and then. I knew he was dead. I knew that he was gone, and that it was my fault.

Im standing beside him, crying my eyes out. Until I see the letter that laid beside him, I pick it up and read it, and start to cry again.

_Dear Severus,_

_I told you I loved you, and that is no lie, I still love you and always will. Il keep and eye on you when I die, you may hate me or think im a waist of time, but I don't care, you mean to much to me and all I can do is praise you, your body and your soul. But when you find me I will be gone._

_I love you Severus Snape. And never forget me._

_Harry Potter_

I must keep this letter, for all eternity I will keep it with me, when I teach to when I sleep.

'I love you to' I whisper.

I fall to my knees, I cant stand anymore, the pain is to much. So I lean in and kiss his cold lips. The dead lips, the ones that I have explored so many times, and could have explored more .I finally stop, for breath, I whisper one thing I wanted to say to him for the longest time.

'I love you'

I take him in my arms and walk down to the hospital wing. He is dead but he can look peacefully at least.

Students stare, as I carry the boy-who-live-that-killed-the-dark-lord. But I don't care, they can look, whisper anything they want, but one thing that shocks them the most is that you can see tears falling from my eyes, down to my cheeks.

But I don't care, they can make rumors all they want.

I finally make it to the wing, and Poppy comes, with a face that is made of shock.

She asks what happens, while I lay Harry down, like he is a porcelain doll.

I tell her, and she cries, scanning him to see if it was true, but she gasps.

I see her run to her office, like it was a life line, she comes back with ten potions, my eyes light up.

'It couldn't be is he still...' I see here her asking me to lift his head, and help make him drink the potions, I do as she says, praying that he is still alive. She tells me, that he was a inch from death, but the potions are working, and that he will live.

I look down from where I am sitting behind him with his head on my chest. And smile, a single tear falls, and she looks at me with questions in her eyes but walks away leaving me and Harry alone.

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Chapter 4

Its been two weeks, your color is back and you no longer need help breathing, now if you could wake, then I could tell you the truth, that I care for you that I cant you forever.

The new headmaster, Liop, sais that we cant be together, but I don't care, you are the world to me, I will quit teaching for you.

My hands are on yours, our fingers are intertwined, now you must wake to see this. I haven't slept a lot, I cant leave you, I have been by your side all this time, I wash you, poppy lets me.

But rest is needed.

I lay my head on top of my hands. I kiss your hand then close my eyes, dreaming of the last time we where together, before what happened.

We where in my private rooms, your where laying your head on my lap, and you looked so perfect. Even with the piercing's as you call them, that where on your face, to be more exact, your lip, eye brow and tong. I like the tong one, I was with you when you got it. You asked me to go with you. And now it was healed and each time we kissed you let me suck the tong ring. And when you gave me pleasure, you used it. But now you where on my lap, I lean down and kiss you, but it deepens, and we continue, then the next thing I remember was you under me pleading for more, pleading for permeation to come, I don't give you that permeation, not yet, not now. But I will and I did, my mouth your you hot cock ,and I eat all the come that you give me, making sure to get all of it.

Then we make love, slow and nice

but now im asleep ob your hand, waiting for you to wake, so I can kiss you more, so I can show you that I love you.

But you stay asleep, and soon I follow, but sleeping.

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Chapter 5

I am not cold anymore, the last thing I remember is the blood, dripping from me.

Am I in heaven? And I in hell? I have to clue.

But I am warm.

I open my eyes, everything is blurry, but I feel someone sleeping on my hand, someone soft.

I try to find my glasses but cant, sleep is taking me over.

I close my eyes, and wonder why I am alive, I can tell im alive but don't want to be.

I wonder who is at my hand, sleeping on it. Not Snape, not no one would come, they all hate me.

I start to cry, wishing that death had come to me. I open my eyes, and see someone giving me my glasses, I take them and put them on, to my surprise, no to my shock, Severus is there, sleeping on my hand. Poppy is the one who gave me my glasses, she sais in my ear.

"Let him sleep, he has been at you side for two weeks now."

Two weeks!!, have I been out that long?, I wonder to myself, but now I just stare at him, why is he here? Why is he beside me. He starts to stur. I try to look asleep, but he opens his eyes, those onyx eyes, I love those eyes, he smiles. And I cant believe it, I see tears falling down his cheek. I take my hand and wipe them away.

"I thought I was just a casual fuck." I say, but his smile stays, I wonder why?

"No, I was scared, I did not want to say that, I ..." he trails off, what was he going to say?

"I love you Harry, bond with me?" my eyes open wide, I can not believe this, did he just say to bond with him, emotions are going wild in me. Love, passion, hate and happiness. I cant pick witch one it is but it's just there.

"Yes" I say, then I kiss him, with more passion than before, I fill that kiss with love, and he does that same. To think, I could have died, but now I don't want to . Now I want o stay alive, and be with him. My love, my husband. Severus Snape.

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Heyy! Hope you liked it, it took me two days to wright, but im happy with it... I making another one, but longer and its more darker.. Anyways thanks! And don't b afraid to review byeee.


	2. Not a chapter

There is this message I got from non, I did use spell checker, and No English is not my first language, French is, but I started to speak English at age of 4, and "Emo" I know it is a genera of music, but I know a lot of people who call themselves "Emo" because they cut, or other things. Just go with the story.

Now to Shelbie, Awwww, thanks, I really love your comment, people like you help me write. Also Kate Andromeda thanks.

I just wanted to let you all know this. Bye


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